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Aaron Moved to Mueller, pt 18
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Posts: 303
Joined on August 30th, 2007
Aaron Moved to Mueller, pt 18
by aaron on December 11th, 2009

This is the forty-fifth in a series of columns about the travels of Aaron and his family in his quest to move from the suburbs to Mueller.

Juneau..... Alaska....

Back in the day, Russia had a problem with its Alaska territory,-95.677068&sspn=49.089956,78.837891&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Alaska&ll=65.838776,-154.511719&spn=26.369971,78.837891&t=h&z=4&iwloc=A. It had just finished a war with Britain and realized that it couldn’t properly defend the territory from the British wanderings from Canada. In an effort to get something for the land and to irate the British, Russia sold Alaska to the Americans for only 1.9 cents an acre in 1867. Of course, this folly  of a purchase contains a huge what if for our American history. If Alaska had never been sold, the cold war would have been vastly different as instead of a Cuban missile crisis, you would have had a Juneau missile crisis, a different territory would have been selected to balance Hawaii into the union in 1959 (like Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands or Ontario), and a communist hard liner named Svetlana Palin  would be able to look out her backyard and wave to her friendly neighbors.

Now my Mueller home was a bit more than 1.9 cents an acre. In fact, the whole entire Mueller could have been had for 13 dollars and fifty cents in 1867 dollars (711 acres at 1.9 cents), still making Manhattan  look like a steal, but definitely cheap. Since I’ve been here almost two years and in this economy, I wonder if my Mueller home is still a good deal as what I thought I got. Perusing some sample homes for sale, I see 60 year old homes going for about 150 a square foot  , which is about what I paid for my brand new home. It’s nice to know that I’m still retaining my value in this downturn economy.

However, even if I won a lot of money, I would still stay in my house, because I still like it. However, my house is still not anywhere close to being paid off. While my commercial which is still running  on Grande cable on ESPN, Comedy Central, TBS, and a few times on the Lifetime channel is getting rave reviews and a critical success, my emails have not been ringing off the hook. I’ve only booked one party appearance so far and have had no offers to be an official spokesperson or give any motivational speeches. It is still early in my marketing campaign and I think even if we don’t get more commercials on TV, my connections at Ice Monkey Productions are keen on doing a few more spots to help make my campaign viral. Please feel free to forward my commercial to anyone famous and help me use up my fifteen minutes.

Here’s this month’s house update:
Outstanding balance $278,974.80
Google ads to date: $32.60
Peepdot sales to date: $0
Mustache Sweater Man Appearances :$20
T-shirt Sales : $0 (you can still get yours today!)
Super funny ebay auctions: $14
I only need $278,908.20 to go!!!!

I’m wondering if I should make one of those thermometers to show my progress. I bet that will help raise more money.

I was initially talked out of doing my outdoor winter movie event called Pigs in a blanket where we serve pigs in blankets while wearing blankets and watching Babe (a pig movie) because Mrs. Aaron wanted to use that idea to lure people to the schools meeting where none other than local school leader celebrity, Dr. Carstarphan  the Austin school superintendent (not just an intendent, but a super one!) will be joining us to talk about Mueller’s effect on over populating the local schools in our area. You know us Muellerians, we like to breed!!! I was thinking that I would instead show some cool kids stuff or maybe a football game later on, so that I could have my Pigs in a blanket movie extravaganza on December 19 at dusk, which is conveniently, two days before the years shortest day, thus allowing the young ones to enjoy a movie outside before its close to bedtime. So that makes two events anyone from Mueller with kids (or interested in Mueller, kids or Mueller with kids) must attend. Dec 19 – Movie, Jan 7 – School thing.

So to wrap this session’s blog post up, Mueller, while not as cheap as Alaska was, is still a good value, not only for the home prices, but the atmosphere as well. I end with my usual visual tom foolery of an underground marketing ad for Mueller. Surprisingly, I have not been asked to stop by the developer, so they must be working.

Actually, one last thing I just thought of. Do you think they named Juneau, Juneau because if you have had a few barley sodas and you say/slur Juneau, Alaska it sounds a lot like Didyouknow? I’llaska!!!
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