You are in a difficult situation and I really sympathize with you. You need to go through all this and maintain trust in people and the belief that everything will change soon, you will feel better, you will enjoy life again, and most importantly, you need not doubt yourself, but accept and love yourself as you are. I know it's sometimes too difficult to do without any support, so if you are looking for a
depression retreat, I can recommend an online portal where you can read more about how to overcome mental illness and find a mental health professional.